It must be true... I read it in the tabloids
▪ A Wyoming man who was arrested for public intoxication told police that he’d been sent from the future to warn humanity of an impending alien invasion. When Casper police detained Bryant Johnson, 27, he demanded to speak with the town’s “president.” He then claimed he’d traveled back from the year 2048 to tell locals to evacuate because “the aliens were coming next year.” Johnson—who had a blood alcohol concentration of .136—said he was drunk because time travel doesn’t work when you’re sober.
▪ A slobbering St. Bernard from South Dakota has won a place in Guinness World Records for its record- breaking tongue. Mochi’s licker measures a massive 7.3 inches from snout to tip—making it the world’s longest tongue on a dog. Owner Carla Rickert said that whopplast six-and-a-half years worth it.”
▪ Police in Long Island, N.Y., are searching for a burglar who stole $100 from a restaurant—but not before cooking a meal like a chef and cleaning up after himself. Security cameras at Nelly’s Taqueria recorded the intruder putting on gloves and preparing chicken, bthe surfaces. “The dude,” said Colon, “had some skills.”