Daily Show alum Jordan Klepper valiantly tries to reclaim 'moron' as a badge of honor for Trump supporters
There are new developments in the "war on Trump," Jordan Klepper said Monday on The Opposition, his faux alt-right Daily Show spinoff. He began with the opposition to President Trump's move to decertify the Iran nuclear deal. "That's right, certification is for suckers," Klepper said, "a belief I hold to this day in spite of how many lifeguard jobs it cost me." But the pushback against Trump was coming from within, including from his top generals and Cabinet officials. "Now it's clear who Trump's biggest enemy is — friends," Klepper said. "Friends who are the enemies — let's call them 'frenemies,' a word I just made up."
Trump's frenemies treat him like a "chump," Klepper said, running through the Rex Tillerson "moron" flap, and "I'm sick of this. Trump has done everything for these people. He picked them, seemingly at random, for positions of great importance, and now they're calling Trump a moron? Then I'm calling moron a compliment! What, you think 'nasty women' are the only ones who can turn insults into a rallying cry?" Apparently not — and Klepper brought T-shirts to prove it. You can watch his impassioned rallying cry below. Peter Weber
President Trump held a big signing ceremony Thursday for his executive order to undermine ObamaCare, but he forgot one small thing, Stephen Colbert showed on The Late Show. "That is troubling — at the signing he forgot to do the signing. But on the plus side, let's hope he forgets the launch codes." The rest of his monologue was dedicated to Trump's pitch for his tax plan on Wednesday night, in front of a group of truckers in Pennsylvania.
Trump summarized his tax plan with two words, "huge, rocket," which left Colbert confused. But Trump clarified a bit, explaining that some business taxes will be at an 80-year low when he's done. "Yes, bottom line: He's taking our tax plan back more than 80 years, to the 1930s, the era that will forever be known as the Great Happiness," Colbert said. "And the president came down hard on the tax that truckers hate the most: the one that only applies to dying millionaires," the estate tax. Out of about 186,000 working trucking companies, roughly 30 would be helped by repealing the estate tax — which applies to individuals worth $5.5 million or couples worth $11 million — he said. "So who are these elite truckers?" Well, he found one:
Colbert also subbed himself in for Sean Hannity in Hannity's pre-rally interview of Trump. You can watch that below. Peter Weber
"It has been a rough start to the school year for Donald Trump," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "His report card is definitely gonna say, 'Has problems working and playing well with others.'" Not that we can do much about, he shrugged. "The Oval Office doesn't have any corners, you can't put him in a time out." Trump's "open warfare" with the Republican Party started with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson's attempt to prevent open warfare with North Korea, Colbert said, and it went downhill from there.
Tuesday's news is that Trump challenged Tillerson to an IQ duel. Colbert showed some exclusive results of that contest. But Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) has also tagged in with some "bowel-loosening opinions about our president," including that if Trump isn't "contained" by his aides, his tweets could lead us "toward World War III," Colbert said. "All this time we've been worried the next war would be caused by artificial intelligence. Turns out the real danger is natural stupidity. I'll miss us." Trump's aides and former employees reportedly treat him like a toddler, too, Colbert said, offering his own distraction for Trump.
Jimmy Kimmel also had a chuckle at Trump's proposed IQ battle. "No intelligent person would get into an IQ contest with his own secretary of state, right? Just that rules you out right there," he said. But "I would definitely order pay-per-view, I would pay $100 to watch Rex Tillerson and Donald Trump take IQ tests against each other, make no mistake. And I guarantee you, the next day Kellyanne Conway would be on TV explaining that IQ tests are like golf: the lower the number, the better the score." At least one person argues that Trump is smart, though, and Kimmel played the Trump highlight reel. Peter Weber
"Today is Columbus Day," Jimmy Fallon noted on Monday's Tonight Show, adding that some cities are now calling it "Indigenous Peoples Day." Well, he said, "most people said call it whatever you want as long as we get a mattress for 30 percent off." The jokes got better. President Trump marked the day by calling Columbus a "skilled navigator," Fallon continued. "Then at his Comi-Con speech he called Darth Vader a 'good dad.'" He played footage of Trump apparently claiming to have invented the word "fake," quipping: "Fake? What better way to celebrate Columbus Day than pretending you discovered something?"
Fallon turned to the Twitter fight between Trump and Sen. Bob Corker, ending with Corker's sick burn. "Now, a lot of people don't know this, but the White House does actually have an adult day-care center," he said, "and we have the director, Wendy Walker, here to talk about it." After that interview, he had one joke on Harvey Weinstein being fired from The Weinstein Company, involving Fox News.
Also on Monday's show, Tyler Perry donned his Madea character and became press secretary to Fallon's President Trump. Watch below. Peter Weber
Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert try to give Trump 'equal time' in hilariously ill-fated point-counterpoint
Amid all of President Trump's complaining about Sen. Bob Corker and "fake news," "I'm kind of proud the president saved just a little complaining for us talk-show hosts," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. He read Trump's tweet about "Late Night hosts ... dealing with the Democrats for their very 'unfunny' & repetitive material, always anti-Trump!" Colbert found the "unfunny" quotes funny, and had an answer for Trump's follow-up question about whether he should "get Equal Time?": "No. That's not how this works. You're the president, we make fun of you."
"But we're going to do it anyway, just to make you feel better, sir," Colbert said. "I will now be joined by another host, licensed in 'unfunny,' and that host will offer balance to what I say about the president." He brought out Jon Stewart. Colbert said he would do his "usual unfair slamming of the president," and Stewart would "provide the counterweight." Stewart gave it a go, but when Colbert played Trump's odd remarks about this being "the calm before the storm," surrounded by military personnel, Stewart lost it.
"How is all this not the storm?" Stewart asked. "And what kind of a sociopath would use that terminology while people are still literally cleaning up from storms?!?" Unable to say positive things about Trump, he gave the counterpoint duties to Colbert, who also... gave it a go. Watch below. Peter Weber
President Trump reportedly fumed for two hours when he read NBC News' report Wednesday morning that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson had called him a "moron," then got even angrier when Tillerson did not directly deny having said that. "He vehemently would rather not answer that question," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. Still, Tillerson did categorically deny ever considering resigning, a claim Trump picked up on in a Thursday morning tweet in which he criticized NBC News for not verifying their "Fake News" with him first. After thinking of some stories Trump might not be the best source for verification on — think Barack Obama's birth certificate — Colbert said that Tillerson's job appears to be safe, thanks to a career "suicide pact" he reportedly made with Defense Secretary James Mattis and Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.
In The Late Show's opening skit, Mnuchin did not seem overly thrilled about the suicide pact.
On Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel noted the riposte to Trump's verification tweet from MSNBC's Stephanie Ruhle, who helped break the "moron" story: "Sir, we didn't need to verify that he called you a 'moron.' He did it behind your back." More generally, Kimmel took issue with Trump calling anything fake news. "No one, no breathing human on the planet Earth produces more fake news than Donald Trump," he said, noting that PolitiFact says only 5 percent of Trump's statements are "true." "Donald Trump is a tornado of fake news, he's the Michael Jordan-Elvis Presley-and-Great Wall of China of fake news combined, okay? Donald Trump criticizing fake news is like Hugh Hefner criticizing fake breasts." Watch below. Peter Weber
On Wednesday, Wired reported that White House senior adviser Jared Kushner, President Trump's son in law, registered to vote in New York as a woman, and did not list a political affiliation. "That's right, he's not a Democrat or a Republican, he's just an independent woman," Jimmy Kimmel quipped on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. Kushner is also registered in New Jersey as "gender unknown," which means Trump wouldn't let him serve in the military, Kimmel said. "But how good is that? I mean, Jared Kushner registered to vote as woman. And he used a private email server for White House business — I say Lock Her Up!"
Before showing his "Drunk Donald Trump" segment — in which a slowed-down Trump gawked at the cost of a new White House fence — Kimmel noted that Trump unveiled his tax plan earlier in the day. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't be able to release a tax plan until you've released a tax return," he said.
Kimmel also returned to a topic dear to his heart. Between the loss of his candidate in the Alabama GOP Senate primary "and the failed Graham-Cassidy health-care bill, it has been a bad week for Donald Trump," he said. "But he's not one to admit defeat. He was full of both B and S today at the White House," claiming he had the votes for Graham-Cassidy but that the GOP couldn't hold the vote because a senator who's not in the hospital was hospitalized. "So just to recap, Mr. President, there was no senator in the hospital, you didn't have the votes, the bill didn't pass, and you're bad at math," Kimmel said. Watch below Peter Weber
Wednesday was a big day for President Trump, Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show. "In an attempt to get everybody to forget about his recent big failures, he unveiled his next big failure, tax reform." The tax plan cuts rates for the rich and for corporations, but Colbert said Trump had a point when he claimed it wouldn't benefit him, slipping into Trump voice: "It's not good for me. I mean, it's about taxes — I never pay those. Nothing to do with me."
Trump could use a win, because he got spanked in Alabama's GOP Senate primary on Tuesday, with his candidate, Sen. Luther Strange, losing to Stephen Bannon's candidate, Roy Moore. Trump was "embarrassed and pissed," according to aides, but Colbert had some unkind words of not-quite consolation: "Mr. President, don't be ashamed that your candidate turned out to be a loser — your supporters seem to deal with it pretty well." He ran through some of Moore's views on homosexuality and race. "Moore seems like a troglodyte, but he has the soul of a poet," Colbert said, and he read a Moore-penned poem he found so inspiring he fact-checked it.
The loss in Alabama isn't Trump's only worry, Colbert said, reading from a New York Times report that Trump left his Strange rally last Friday griping about the crowd size and second-guessing his decision to wear a pink tie in Alabama. After imagining Trump deciding that his pink tie was the root of his many problems, Colbert marveled at Trump's insistence that Republicans have the 50 votes they need to pass the health-care bill they've dropped due to a lack of 50 votes, but they can't hold the vote now, because there's a senator in the hospital. "There is nobody in the hospital — we checked," Colbert said. Peter Weber