On Wednesday, Toys 'R' Us announced that it's closing up shop, shuttering the remaining 735 U.S. stores and putting 30,000 people out of work. "And they're putting Babies 'R' Us up for adoption," Jimmy Kimmel joked on Thursday's Kimmel Live. "I tell ya, I'll always remember Toys 'R' Us as the store where my children had a complete and total meltdown every time we went there. I guess people don't enjoy that anymore, they buy toys online now, on Amazon." Kimmel started complaining about Amazon when Geoffrey the Giraffe, the Toys 'R' Us mascot, came running onstage. Like the company he represented, Geoffrey had seen better days, and like Kimmel, he blamed Amazon — and the audience. If you don't want to grow up, maybe don't watch, because Kimmel's Geoffrey is dealing with unemployment like a Toys 'R' Us adult. Peter Weber
First lady Melania Trump is coming out of hiding to host a cyberbullying summit with social media companies, Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live. "Apparently the word 'irony' doesn't translate from Slovenian. All she has to do to fight cyberbullying is take a hammer to her husband's thumbs and phone."
Melania Trump "wants to begin a discussion about how the companies have been addressing this issue so far — and then swap clothes with one of the attendees and sneak out as part of the group," Kimmel joked. "But Melania's very serious about this, so much so she just recorded this extremely emotional PSA." See if you can tell when the voiceover shifts from the first lady to Kimmel's Melania Trump impersonator. Peter Weber
Trevor Noah pans Betsy DeVos on 60 Minutes. Jordan Klepper blames 60 Minutes and its 'meticulously researched' gotcha questions.
"President Trump's housing secretary doesn't know anything about housing, his environmental chief doesn't think manmade climate change is a thing, and last night we learned that his secretary of education has a lot of learning to do," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. He played part of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos' awkward 60 Minutes interview, focusing on the part where DeVos admits to journalist Lesley Stahl that she has not intentionally visited underperforming schools to see what is going wrong. "You know the fact that she never 'intentionally' went to a bad school means she definitely walked into one by accident," Noah said. "I do feel bad for the next school she visits now, because they'll definitely know why she's there."
At The Opposition, Jordan Klepper was also disturbed by the interview, but for a different reason. "What really pisses me off is this gotcha journalism that 60 Minutes employs," he said. "If you're not familiar, 60 Minutes is a hidden-camera prank show where Lesley Stahl — their Ashton Kutcher — ambushes unsuspecting interviewees with a series of meticulously researched questions." DeVos was right to note that she is "misunderstood, like Dave Matthews lyrics or anything Matt Damon says about women," Klepper said. And "there are powerful forces out there working against DeVos, like the results of things she's done in the past."
The interview was a train wreck, he conceded, in part because "Stahl isn't just an ambush journalist, she's using Jedi mind tricks," and DeVos fell for them. He ended on-point, comparing the 60 Minutes interview with public schools. Watch below. Peter Weber
MSNBC's Chris Hayes was on Thursday's Late Show, and Stephen Colbert dove right in. "As a newsman, an actual newsman, is the Stormy Daniels lawsuit important, or just news candy?" he asked. "I actually think it is important," Hayes said, both because "we are watching a cover-up come unraveled in real time, and it's a microcosm of what I suspect is something that they have done a lot of" — using nondisclosure agreements to "sweep unpleasant facts under the rug" — and also the timing.
"Michael Cohen was willing to pony up $130,000 for what seems like a thing that's priced into Donald Trump anyway — like, 'Donald Trump had an affair with an adult film actress' is not mind-blowing to anyone" — just weeks after the Access Hollywood tape sent President Trump's campaign into a panic, Hayes said. But WikiLeaks also immediately bailed them out, suggesting coordination between Trump's campaign, WikiLeaks, and the Russians who gave WikiLeaks the John Podesta emails.
"So are you all in on collusion?" Colbert asked. "It walks like a duck, it talks like a duck, let's indict the duck?" Hayes said he started out skeptical, because true conspiracies are rare and hard to pull off, but "as the facts have come in, my Occam's Razor — at this point, the simplest explanation is that everyone's running around acting guilty because they're guilty. ... Why is everyone lying to investigators? Why is everyone making stuff up? Why are people acting super guilty? They're acting super guilty because they're guilty."
As an example, Hayes asked why Trump fired FBI Director James Comey then secretly told Russian officials in the Oval Office that firing Comey took the heat off him. "There's no way of knowing other than him telling Lester Holt exactly why," Colbert deadpanned. Hayes laughed: "If we could just get one more interview with Lester Holt, he'd be like, 'I'll lay it out for you.'" Peter Weber
It turns out Oprah Winfrey has a pet peeve — not a phobia, she corrected Stephen Colbert on Tuesday's Late Show. "You intensely dislike gum-chewing," Colbert said. "I intensely dislike it, and it comes from my childhood," Winfrey explained. Her grandmother used to re-chew the same stick of gum for weeks, and young Oprah would run into the dried wads, scarring her. Gum is "barred at my offices, nobody is allowed," she said. "But when I got out into the world, I can't bar it. I have no powers there."
Colbert noted that a lot of people want Winfrey to run for president, which she has ruled out. "I feel humbled and honored by that," she said. "It just isn't something I would. ... I am very much in touch with my inner GPS, I'm in touch with God, the voice of God." Colbert pointed out that she told People she would need a clear sign from God to run, and when Winfrey said she hadn't gotten even one sign from God, the Late Show God appeared. "Can I help you, Lord? I'm kind of in the middle of talking to somebody important," Colbert deadpanned. "God" said he's a big Oprah fan, and Winfrey played along, returning the compliment. "Wow, Oprah knows who I am? I can't wait to tell Jesus," God said. He had not just a sign for Winfrey, but Oprah 2020 signs. Winfrey laughed so hard she choked. But she wasn't swayed, telling God she's sure he'll find someone else to get excited about for 2020.
In the first part of the interview, Colbert and Winfrey talked about Winfrey's side gig with 60 Minutes, President Trump's tweet about it, how she handles criticism, A Wrinkle in Time, and the darkness in the book and in today's world. Watch below. Peter Weber
Chelsea Clinton was on Monday's Late Show to talk about her new children's book, She Persisted Around the World, but of course that's not where Stephen Colbert began the conversation. "Now, your family has a particularly unique relationship emotionally to the fact that Donald Trump is president of the United States," he said. "Stephen, I think that a lot of us have pretty unique emotional relationships to the fact that Donald Trump is president," Clinton genially fired back.
Colbert asked what the Clinton family does to cope with Trump, what kind of conversations they have, and Clinton talked about policy and candidates. "Unfortunately, this administration is kind of the collision of cruelty and incompetence," she said at the end of a lengthy answer. "Does your entire family speak in paragraphs?" Colbert asked, practically begging her to show some anger. She declined.
"There has been some criticism of Ivanka Trump recently, of her role in the White House, or whether she should have a role in the White House," Colbert said. "You were 20 when your father left office, but certainly you understand what it's like to be the child of the president. Were you asked to fix Middle East peace at any point?" Clinton said she was mostly asked about her homework, and when Colbert pressed, she said she thinks Ivanka Trump is fair game for criticism regarding her decisions or President Trump's policies, as with his other employees. Colbert asked if Clinton and Ivanka are still friends. They were friends, she said, but "I haven't spoken to her in a long time," and policy has definitely clouded their friendship. Watch below. Peter Weber
By the time Stephen Colbert asked guest Jennifer Lawrence about her upcoming yearlong break from acting on Monday's Late Show, they had already done one shot of rum. "So you're taking a year off. Why?" Colbert asked. "Because I'm so miserable — no, I'm just kidding," Lawrence said. "I'm still developing things, I'm not going to be on set. It's not like a big, dramatic — oh, God, here we go." That was Colbert pouring a second glass.
"I'm going to be developing things and talking to kids about, you know, corruption," Lawrence said, and it was Colbert's turn to sit up: "Wait, what?" "I'm part of an organization that's trying to pass state-by-state legislation to get big money out of politics," Lawrence said. "So I go to this high school to talk to kids about, you know, the government and super PACs and blah blah blah." After "Trump got elected, my head spun off," she continued, and she threw herself into learning about civics, but she was stumped by her first question at the Ohio high school. "They were so smart, and I was like, 'Well, I can't go to colleges anymore,'" Lawrence joked. "I'm going to start getting toddlers into politics. Starting at a real grassroots level."
Then both of their shoes came off and the conversation got loose, touching on the "horrible ass boil" Harvey Weinstein, going to Amy Schumer's wedding, and Lawrence's apparently unrequited crush on Larry David.
In the second part of the interview, Colbert brought up Lawrence's new film, Red Sparrow, and Lawrence disinvited all her "haters" from seeing it. They discussed what she learned from making the Russian spy thriller — ballet and how spies tell their kids they are spies — and Lawrence talked about the adorable evasive maneuvers her nieces and nephews take to protect her from stalkers when she returns to Kentucky for the holidays. Watch below. Peter Weber
Oprah Winfrey was on Thursday's Jimmy Kimmel Live, and Kimmel cut straight to the chase: "So you're definitely not running for president?" "Where do I look into the camera?" Oprah asked. "I am definitely not running for president." The audience booed. "You know, you give a speech and then you sit down, and you have, surprisingly, started to run for president," she said. The buzz started as soon as she walked offstage at the Golden Globes, and "I was kind of first thrown by it — it's a humbling thing to have people think that you can run the country, it's a humbling thing," she added. "I'm the kind of person who tries to listen to signs. I think, 'Well, am I supposed to run the country? I don't think so!'"
Oprah said she found out that President Trump had tweeted about her 60 Minutes focus group when director Ava DuVernay called her, and she never considered tweeting back at Trump, "not a second." When Kimmel offered to use her Twitter account to hit back at Trump, Oprah protested. "No, you don't win by meeting any kind of negativity head-on," she said. "We've already lost, though, in general," Kimmel said. "You just have to say, 'Well, I don't know what that was, but all right,'" Oprah said. She explained that she is not, in fact, "insecure," as Trump claimed, but she has hung out with him at boxing matches and, oddly, Maya Angelou's 80th birthday party, which Oprah held at Mar-a-Lago.
Oprah explained to Kimmel a little bit of what life is like as Oprah: She doesn't answer her phone, for example, but she does pay her own bills. You can learn more below. Peter Weber