Jimmy Kimmel dug up a clip of Full Frontal's Samantha Bee interviewing Kellyanne Conway on The Daily Show in about 2007, and according to Bee — his guest on Thursday's Kimmel Live — that was a surprisingly common occurrence. "Our interactions were quite pleasant and lovely," Bee said, and Conway "was on The Daily Show many, many times in the years that I was there. And it got to a point where ... the producers were, like, 'Uhhh, should we call Kellyanne? She'll say anything that we want her to.' And they were like, 'No, we kind of used her too much, let's not call Kellyanne this time.' Because, you know, even back then we had a sense that she was very thirsty."
"She's still saying anything somebody wants her to, too," Kimmel said. "She does seem to be the smartest member of that group, though." Bee agreed: "I would say so, very canny." Kimmel asked if "talking about Donald Trump all the time is a plus or a minus," and Bee said "an absolute minus, across the board. ... You know, we make sour lemonade out of those lemons, I guess?"
Bee also talked about how her native Canada views Trump's America — with concern, like the Desperate Housewives — and she and Kimmel discussed the travails of writing topical comedy shows in the news firehose of the Trump administration. "It's funny, because we're watching cable news, going 'No! No!' No!'" Kimmel said, laughing. "We're actually rooting against world peace so we don't have to rewrite our monologues." Watch below. Peter Weber
On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert revealed that his autism research fundraising offer — spend one taping of The Late Show under his desk — had raised $451,000, and he introduced the raffle winner, Rachel Olmer, who was, in fact, under his desk. Colbert spent much of his monologue on an unfortunate bit of graduation cake censorship by a Publix grocery store, but he let Olmer tell the punch line to a joke about President Trump shunning "anti-virus protection" on his smartphones.
Olmer was joined under Colbert's desk by Jon Stewart, who described the shared quarters as "cozy." But the show had to go on, so Colbert tried to do a bit about Barack and Michelle Obama signing on as Netflix producers — "After the last year and a half I would totally binge-watch a show called A Single Still Image of the Obamas for an Hour," he joked — but finally gave up after Stewart continually upstaged him with apocryphal stories of the royal wedding, a shuriken, and a game of Twister. Watch below. Peter Weber
Before there was Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation into President Trump's campaign and Russia, the FBI started a counterterrorism investigation of the campaign that we now know was code-named "Crossfire Hurricane," which is also the name of a Rolling Stones song. According to The Late Show's re-enactment of the session where the FBI dreamed up that code name, "Crossfire Hurricane" was a compromise reached after some serious disagreement, mostly about the artistic merits of the band King Crimson.
"How about Beatles, 'Back in the USSR?'" one agent suggested. "Too obvious," said the team leader and King Crimson fan. "Jailhouse Rock?" suggested the other agent. "Nah, the Elvis estate is too litigious." They finally agreed on the Stones song, but quickly ran into discord about the relative merit of the band's members. In real life, Trump and his allies are trying to undermine the FBI's counterterrorism investigation, but it's kind of fun to imagine the early team fighting — like men of a certain age are wont to do — over classic rock. Watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert reminded Jake Tapper, his guest on Thursday's Late Show, that it was the one-year anniversary of Special Counsel Robert Mueller's appointment to investigate Russian collusion and the Trump campaign. "One full year — which, by my calculations, 36 and a half Scaramuccis," Tapper agreed. Colbert noted that President Trump "is still calling this 'Witch Hunt,'" and Tapper said yes, and "they've caught a few witches, by the way. There have been a few witch indictments."
Colbert asked if Rudy Giuliani is right that all Mueller can do is "write a report," and Tapper said sure, but that "report" could lead to criminal charges. Colbert said he'd be happy with a report. "What kind of report are you looking for?" Tapper asked. "The truth. ... I want somebody to say what actually happened," Colbert said. "I mean, Donald Trump will come and Donald Trump will go — I think we learned that from Stormy," he joked, but "knowing what the truth was" may at least add "some sort of ethical or moral spine to this moment."
Tapper one-upped him: "You want the truth about Russia and possible collusion — I would just like the truth and facts to be respected again in this country." Okay, "let me ask you about how that feels, then, to have people on TV who aid and abet with the corrosion of that information?" Colbert asked. "Kellyanne Conway — why have her on TV? She is a collection of deceptions with a blonde wig stapled on top." Tapper didn't disagree, exactly, but he said he thinks "sometimes it's worth it to have people on so you can challenge the very notion of the facts that are being disregarded and the lies that are being told."
They went on to talk about Tapper's new novel, The Hellfire Club, plus the echoes of Joe McCarthy, the sexy scene, and Tapper's unfortunate "superpower," which he demonstrated on Colbert. Watch below. Peter Weber
Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, The Roots, and Trevor Noah collectively heal the 'yanny'-'laurel' divide
"Much of the English-speaking world has been torn in two over the past 48 hours," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live, playing the word that some people hear as "laurel" and others, apparently, as "yanny." Kimmel's audience was divided, and he said he used to hear one but now hears the other. "But whether you hear 'laurel' or 'yanny,' there's one thing I think we can all agree on: Nothing has ever mattered less than this," Kimmel said. And yet, the internet has exploded with theories "about why we hear what we hear, and also comparing this to that blue dress/gold dress thing from a few years ago."
Kimmel had a more philosophical takeaway: "Ultimately, it illustrates that what is real isn't absolute. What we believe to be true depends on who we are, where we are, how we look at it, other individual factors like that — what's real to one person might not be real to another person. And if that is true, which I now think it is, I may now owe Donald Trump an apology." He doesn't, but he did note that it's "good to fight about something stupid again."
On The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon and Steve Higgins heard "yanny" while The Roots heard "laurel" — and Questlove did a remix, then punted. "I think it's both," Fallon finally decided. "I spent way too much time on that."
Everybody has, Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. And "everyone had different theories, trying to figure out if maybe different types of people heard different things — like maybe old people heard 'laurel' and young people heard 'yanny,' or black people heard 'laurel' and the police heard 'He's got a gun!!!'" But he offered a solution that just might heal this divide: "We need President Trump to tell us what he heard, and then everyone will immediately know what they think." Watch below. Peter Weber
Seth Meyers made a fake Nobel Peace Prize for nothing.
On Wednesday's Late Night, the host lamented that he was ready to present the faux prize to President Trump ahead of his June summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, but on Tuesday, North Korea threatened to back out of the meeting. "This should delight no one," Meyers said. "Diplomacy with North Korea is a good thing and is the only way to resolve this situation without armed conflict."
Now is the time for "calm, steady leadership," Meyers added, before playing a clip of Trump saying multiple times Wednesday that he knows nothing about the current situation with North Korea or how the U.S. will respond. "You haven't seen anything or heard anything?" Meyers said. "I never thought I'd say this but Mr. President, you should watch more TV." Trump is dealing with more than just North Korea — watch below for Meyers' take on all of his foreign policy troubles, from the Middle East to China. Catherine Garcia
Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, and special guests celebrate Mother's Day with mom jokes
"Of all the many relationships we as humans have, mother is probably the most complicated," Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday's pre-Mother's Day Kimmel Live. "I mean, we come out of them — that's weird, right? And so to honor the fascinating women who baked us, we invited famous people to read text messages from their mothers." Well, all except for Patton Oswalt.
Stephen Colbert described Mother's Day as "the annual tradition of taking mom out to brunch and getting enough mimosas in her so that she doesn't notice you're signing the card under the table." Your mother "loves your cards," he added on The Late Show, "but even the best Mother's Day cards had to start somewhere," and he and a mother from the audience showed off some "early efforts" that (luckily) didn't quite pan out.
And on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon shared some of his favorite #MomQuotes — you know, in case your mother isn't on Twitter. Watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert wants to know why Israel's Netanyahu is hyping old news about Iran ahead of Trump's big nuclear deal decision
President Trump has until May 12 to decide if he will unilaterally pull the U.S. out of the Iran nuclear deal, and he's being coy about his intentions, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "People on both sides are trying to sway the president," and yesterday it was the turn of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Netanyahu went on Israeli TV to talk to Trump, saying he had proof that Iran lied about its nuclear program and showing off a shelf of books and a rack of CDs Israeli intelligence stole from Iran. "Come on, Bibi, throw in a jet ski or something," Colbert suggested, unimpressed.
"But here's the thing: None of this is new information," Colbert said. "He did a big blockbuster reveal of information from 2003. I assume he also blew the lid off Finding Nemo and the shocking report that Limp Bizkit rulez." The White House even said it had already long known about the information, but it had to correct a crucial verb tense from Iran "has" a secret nuclear weapons program to "had." "Oh, that's kind of different," he said. "Like the difference between 'has chlamydia' and 'had chlamydia' — something to be careful about when you're typing up your Tinder profile."
He ended his monologue by noting that, according to Trump's Twitter posts, everything is runny super smoothly in the White House, and singing a version of Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" modified to reflect Trump's onerous schedule.
To highlight that Netanyahu was really speaking to an audience of one about Iran's defunct nuclear weapons program, The Late Show slightly amended his PowerPoint presentation. Watch below. Peter Weber