FOLLOW THE WEEK ON FACEBOOK
August 16, 2017

Daniel Craig had some news to make on Tuesday's Late Show, and he said he'd been saving it for Stephen Colbert. Colbert got the ball rolling, telling Craig he thinks he's the best of the six James Bonds and asking if, as rumored, he is going to reprise the role. "I've been quite cagey," Craig said. "I've been doing interviews all day, and people have been asking me and I think I've been rather coy, but I kind of felt like, you know, if I was going to speak the truth, I should speak the truth to you." The answer, of course, was yes. "I couldn't be happier," he said, and neither could Colbert, who exclaimed, "Hot damn!"

"I have to apologize to all the people I've done interviews today," Craig said, and Colbert assured him, "You did the right thing." He said he has been sitting on the news for "several months," and that he always wanted to return to the role, though he "needed a break." Colbert fact-checked him, noting he said he would rather slit his wrists than play Bond again, and Craig apologized for the "really stupid answer" he gave to a reporter two days after wrapping Spectre. Still, he said, this will probably be his last Bond film. "I just want to go out on a high note, and I can't wait," he said. They also, sometimes punchily, talked about Colbert's crush on Craig's wife, Craig's new movie Logan Lucky, and his cameo in The Force Awakens. Peter Weber

August 9, 2017

On Tuesday, President Trump threatened to rain "fire and fury" down on North Korea if it continues to threaten the United States, earning a retaliatory threat against Guam from Pyongyang. "People are understandably very worked up about this," Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live. "According to a new poll — and this poll was taken before the president's threat today — a majority of Americans, 75 percent, believe that North Korea's nuclear program is a critical threat to the United States. But what I wonder is, how many Americans even know where North Korea is." Because it is Kimmel, he sent a camera crew and a map out onto Hollywood Blvd. and asked passersby. The sample that made it onto TV were generally open to military action in North Korea, but you won't be surprised at their geography knowledge. "I'm not a geographer," as one dude explained. Watch below. Peter Weber

August 8, 2017

Well, no wonder President Trump needs a vacation, Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. Just look at his poll numbers — specifically a recent Quinnipiac poll with really bad approval ratings for Trump. To wit, "33 percent?" Colbert marveled. "As Meatloaf so famously said, two out of three ain't bad, but one out of three sucks." And as Trump's approval numbers fall, "some have their eyes on Trump's job," reportedly including Vice President Mike Pence, he said, citing a New York Times report and ancillary evidence.

"No veep has acted this suspiciously since Grover Cleveland's vice president, Eustace P. McBackstabby," Colbert said, fancifully. He read Pence's strong denial, then laughed: "He's definitely running."

Pence isn't the only one considering a run for higher office, Colbert said, pointing to the sexting scandal engulfing Fox News personality Eric Bolling. "What happened to old fashioned courtship, when a gentleman would telegraph his genitalia?" he asked, acting this out. Bolling denied the allegations, kind of. "He doesn't recall?" Colbert asked. "How do you forget sending someone your bits and pieces?"

Bolling, of course, said some pretty hard things about Anthony Weiner when he was caught sending pictures of his genitals over text on multiple occasions. Not that Bolling was wrong, but "you know what they say about people who live in glass houses," Colbert said: "It's really easy to show your junk to the neighborhood." That metaphor might be a little too apt, he added, relating an allegation about Bolling from another female Fox News employee involving his glass office. That brought him to Bolling's backup plan in case his Fox News suspension become permanent: a run for U.S. Senate. Colbert already had some ideas: "Get ready for Bolling 2018 — though the lawn signs will have to be blurred." Watch below. Peter Weber

August 8, 2017

President Trump will be spending the next two weeks at his Bedminster, New Jersey, golf club, and on Monday's Late Night, Seth Meyers called him out for going on exactly the same type of vacation that he once ridiculed former President Barack Obama for taking.

Meyers played a montage of Trump — who insists this is a "working vacation" — saying during the campaign that if he became president, he'd never golf and would always be in the White House, and declaring that he never takes times off. "To be clear, I'm not criticizing Trump for taking vacations," Meyers said. "I'm criticizing him for being a lying hypocrite — and even lying hypocrites deserve vacations." His decision to spend that much time in Bedminster is also a hint that Trump's finances aren't as great as he wants you to think, Meyers said. "Just in case you needed more proof that he's not really a billionaire, he takes a New Jersey vacation," he quipped. "'New Jersey vacation' sounds like a slang term for a mafia hit." Meyers also had a good laugh at Trump saying his vacation would be filled with "meetings and calls," because that's basically how "an 8-year-old would describe an adult job."

Meyers argues that Trump is "desperately" trying to distract everyone from the Russia investigation, and that's also why during this past week, his team launched a video series promoting "real news" about his presidency and he attacked Hillary Clinton during a campaign-style rally in West Virginia. "What's becoming clear is that Trump and his allies have no record of their own to champion, so instead they need a villain, and they've decided they'd rather live in a world where Hillary Clinton was president rather than Donald Trump," Meyers said, before cueing up another montage, this time of Fox News clips that actually do kind of make it seem like the world was flipped turned upside down and Clinton is president. Watch the video below. Catherine Garcia

July 20, 2017

Six months into the Trump presidency and you are already hearing a lot about Watergate, "the original recipe of gates," Samantha Bee said on Wednesday's Full Frontal. "But the thrilling discovery that Nixon's presidency was cut short after a mere 67 months in office may be making liberals a bit giddy." Full Frontal sent correspondents Mike Rubens and Ashley Nicole Black to a Trump impeachment rally in California, and they went back and forth between asking questions and openly rolling their eyes.

Impeachment would require an improbable chain of events beginning with House Speaker Paul Ryan, passing through Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and ending up with Republicans voting to convict and sack their own president, Rubens notes. "That's why more presidents have been removed from office by cholera than impeachment." Still, the liberals at the rally persisted, undeterred. "Maybe the allure of an impossible dream was much easier to get behind than the reality of fighting for incremental change," Rubens suggested. But at least they found one young marcher who made sense. Watch the impossible high hopes and ignored practical suggestions below. Peter Weber

June 29, 2017

It's hard to defend something that you don't understand, Seth Meyers said on Thursday's Late Night, which is likely why President Trump is having such a hard time making a convincing case for the Republican health-care bill.

Meyers makes the case that Trump clearly knows nothing about health care; the president uses the vaguest terms to talk about it, never gives any details, and skims the surface of the issue. He probably shouldn't bring it up anyway — a USA Today poll that came out Wednesday said only 12 percent approve of the Senate Republicans' plan. "Twelve percent? His health-care bill is an iPhone in a horror movie," Meyers said. "It's going to hit zero and everyone is going to die."

When Trump does talk about health care, he liberally uses adjectives like "good," "great," and "fantastic," making him sound like "a high school student who didn't read the book, or have the book, or know how to read," Meyers said. Trump's fellow Republicans are willing to call him out for this, too; several senators have spoken to the media and said after talking with him about health care, he seems to have little understanding of the principles and usually isn't taken seriously. He's also making promises he has no way of keeping by convincing polar-opposite moderate and conservative Republicans that he's willing to make the changes they both want. "He's less like a CEO and more like a mall Santa," Meyers said. "A bike? Sure. Train set? No problem. I'm not real? You guessed it."

So why does Trump still have support from Republicans, even though he doesn't understand health care and his Twitter rants have "gone from confusing to, 'Mommy, why is the man on the subway yelling so loud and where are his underpants?'" Watch the video below for Meyers' theory. Catherine Garcia

June 28, 2017

If Republicans actually pass their health-care bill and more than 20 million people no longer have health care, "folks are going to have to look for alternative medical treatment like prayer, or being rich, or praying to become rich," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Well, in these dark days of doubt, thank goodness for Gwyneth Paltrow and her lifestyle brand, Goop." The product he focused on is Body Vibes stickers, which Goop describes as "wearable stickers that promote healing," promising such benefits as curing hangovers, promoting mental focus, and even hydration. "Man, I'm so thirsty I need a big tall box of stickers," Colbert joked.

"Previously, if you wanted wearable stickers that promote healing, you had to buy a box of band-aids," Colbert deadpanned. But for a 10-pack of Body Vibes stickers, you'll have to fork over $60. "For that price, you're going to want to pick up their anti-anxiety sticker for the panic attack you'll get when you realize you spent your rent money on stuff they give children free at the dentist," he said. He entertained himself and his audience by digging into the claims, including that the stickers use a NASA technology that NASA scientists say doesn't exist and call "BS," and something about cells vibrating like forks. "Yes, Goop has apparently consulted with top fork scientists to create these stickers," Colbert said, "so what Goop is saying is, Buy these stickers and go fork yourself."

"Well, as you know, I, too, have a celebrity lifestyle brand, Covetton House," Colbert said, "and Goop has inspired us to expand our own product line." That's when the mockery really begins. Watch below. Peter Weber

June 27, 2017

The Senate Republicans' health-care plan is "almost comically villainous," Seth Meyers said Monday night, with its tax cuts for the wealthy paid for by gutting Medicaid.

"The only way this bill could be more cartoonishly evil is if it mandated tying damsels in distress to railroad tracks," he said on Late Night. On Monday, the Congressional Budget Office release its report projecting that the GOP plan would leave 22 million more people uninsured over the next 10 years, and that's "savage," Meyers said, and precisely why Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) kept the bill under wraps until last Thursday, pushing for a vote sometime this week. "This bill is like a Slipknot tramp stamp," Meyers said. "You definitely want to hide it, and the people who've seen it are terrible people." Watch the video below for more on the CBO score, and how former President Barack Obama sneakily trolled President Trump. Catherine Garcia

See More Speed Reads